Saturday, December 31, 2005
Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oye Oye Oye!
Have a good one this year Kim, Craig, Dayle, Luke, and the rest of you blokes. We'll be back down in Springfield soon enough.
Friday, December 30, 2005
It's 'Irish Jig' Time!
The world-renowned 'El Capitan' Irish dancers have been called upon to do a little jig while I serve up the brewskies and celebrate.
Why am I celebrating, you ask?
Well, over the last 2+ years the MSM did everything it could to push the idea that Bush's henchmen leaked the name of an undercover CIA agent. The aftermath:
- Nobody was found to have outed a non-undercover agent, and the entire debacle was a witch hunt that only ended up backfiring.
- Lil' Scooter wasn't totally honest about his talks with the NYT's Judith Miller, so he's out. No problem there... he should have been honest, but he obviously didn't 'out' anyone or commit a crime against a CIA agent. Nothing even close.
- The New York Times and the MSM have set themselves up for total inhalation, and we've got a front row seat.
What's so big about that, you ask? Well, as of today, the Justice Department is now investigating how the New York Times and the Washington Post obtained and publicly released classified information critical to the defense of the United States and its allies, possibly compromising the lives and security of countless people. (H/T Michelle Malkin)
Someone's going to prison. Someone important. Whether it's the reporters, the editors, or their soon to be 'not-so-anonymous sources', folks are headed to the pokey and their future cell mates are getting ready to give them a warm welcome.
You compromise national security and the lives of American citizens, you're going down.
Ahhh, life is good.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Dave at Garfield Ridge Arrested!
Police say trucker chucked urine, haul him off to can
December 24, 2005
A 54-year-old Nebraska man was arrested by Clive police Thursday for Christmas deliveries nobody wants: large bottles of urine.
"We've got a Grinch that has been lobbing urine," Clive Police Chief Robert Cox said. "Since this fall, we've had eight to 10 incidents reported where people have found containers full of urine thrown into their backyards."
Damn. There goes your illustrious day job.
Once Again, Irony is a Sexy Female Dog
No matter how hard they tried...
No matter how much they hate bush...
The New York Times just couldn't get Americans upset about the President using his legal authority to wiretap calls going from the U.S. to known terrorist regions of the world.
Matter of fact, we're more concerned about Sony's embedded spyware on our music CDs than we are about the New York Time's Chicken Little story.
What's even better is that the high paid, high-faloot'n reporters at the NYT just don't get it. We expect our government to protect us to the best of their abilities. We WANT them to catch the bad guys BEFORE they attack again. We WANT those wiretaps overseas.
As Michelle Malkin has pointed out, the NYT's stock all but took a nose dive in 2005. Let's give them a hand in making 2006 an even worse year. Maybe, just maybe when they're sitting in a court room filing for bankruptcy and all of their employees are walking out the front door with pink slips, someone will realize that Americans expect journalists to be journalists. We don't want opinions masked as fact and shoved down our throats. We won't pay for newspapers that support our enemies and betray their victims.
We want the truth. Not fiction... not masked opinion... just the truth.
Now get out of the way and let our government protect and defend us.
UPDATE: Oh, and to our government pals up in D.C. Strap a pair on and let's subpoena the folks who have thwarted our efforts to protect our citizens by giving away national security secrets to those who have sworn to destroy us.
It's time to set the example.
Merry Christmas Comrades
The indispensable Lindsay Fincher came across a website loaded with old Soviet Christmas and New Years Cards. Being a fellow Cold War/Soviet junkie I probably spent way too much time looking around. Be like Uncle Joe... go check it out, or else.
Soviet Santa... my favorite 80's pro-wrestler.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
No Hassan, not that wire... this one! Oops....
TERRORIST BOMB DETONATES ON BOMBERS
December 20, 2005
TIKRIT, Iraq - One terrorist was killed and another severely injured when the improvised explosive device they were attempting to emplace detonated prematurely. The incident occurred Dec. 19, near the city of Tikrit.
Tikrit police and Soldiers from the 3rd Infantry Division's 1st Brigade Combat Team responded to the explosion. The police officers performed first-aid on the injured bomber, who was taken to a nearby hospital for treatment.
The IED was composed of a 155 mm artillery shell and a detonating device, according to an explosives ordnance team investigating the explosion.
Soldiers searching the area discovered another artillery round and several other IED components in a nearby vehicle.
In addition to the wounded bomber, two other men were detained for allegedly attempting to help the surviving bomber avoid the responding security forces.
For more information, please contact the 101st AIRBORNE DIVISION Public Affairs Office at EDWARD.LOOMIS@US.ARMY.MIL
Monday, December 26, 2005
26 December - Only 364 days until Christmas!
Had a great Christmas day with the family. Spent most of the day putting together a Barbie house for the girls. I can't believe how labor intensive this thing was, but I guess Matel Toys saved us money by passing the work from the Chinese labor camp down to me. Can't complain, it kept me away from kitchen. Lots of baking, which meant lots of food to eat. I sort of feel like this guy right now... one more breath mint and I'm going to explode.
I can't wait for the base gym to reopen. I'm going to be living in that place for 2006. I thought of pulling out the old Richard Simmons 'Sweat'n to the Oldies' tapes, but then I came across this little video of when little Richie was on 'Who's Line Is It Anyway?'. Now I think I'll wait for the gym to open.
(Here's the link, just don't spew the coffee. It's a funny one)
I've got to spend the day doing something constructive, whatever that may be. Maybe study Russian and watch some good ol' history channel shows. Of course I'll have to do some touch-up work on the Barbie house, but it beats the hell out of working today.
Hope you had a good one.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Ma Deuce Gunner
Air Force Wife
Dave at Garfield Ridge
My favorite NCO, AlliCadem
Punk Rock Mommy
Zopher at Deep Fried South
Nickie Goomba, Paisan
Sean and his better half at Doc in the Box
MissBirdlegs in AL
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Good On Blair
Blair makes surprise Iraq visit
Thursday, 22 December 2005, 15:19 GMT - Tony Blair has paid tribute to British troops after flying into Iraq for a surprise pre-Christmas visit.
Nope... no morale problem here.
Best Christmas Gift Ever
Two months ago I woke up one Saturday morning to find that our heater wasn't working properly, drywall was crumbling, and tensions were rising in our humble abode because of the cramped space. We've lived in base housing for the last three years, yet at that moment my patience in dealing with our dilapidated home evaporated. After 'Micky-Mousing' the house for years just trying to make it livable, enough was enough.
My wife and I decided to take the plunge and buy a home. After months of paperwork, credit reports, and searching for the best deal, we decided to build a new one here in Ohio. I know I know... Ohio lacks my only necessity in life, a beach, but we're only going to be here for a couple of years and as far as we can tell it should be a good investment. It'll also be easier on our nerves as opposed to living in our current cardboard box of a home on base.
Today on my way to work I stopped by my little plot of land and watched as a backhoe broke ground on the basement, officially kicking off construction.
This will be our first house and my first real home, so the excitement is brewing. I couldn't imagine a better Christmas present for me than watching the hole being dug this morning.
It's nothing fancy, but it is a step in the right direction. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and we'll be moving in this Spring. When it is ready, I'll be throwing a block party for friends and family. Of course, we're the only house on the block so far, but that should change. I'll keep everyone posted on the construction progress.
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Why We Love Iran
I wrote a post earlier discussing a future train wreck between the United States and Iran. I would like to clarify something regarding our relationship with Iran. The United States of America and its citizens hold the people of Iran in high esteem. We've always had a special kinship with Iranians. They are some of the most beautiful, intelligent, cultured, and respectful people on this planet. Whether on the West Coast or in the Midwest United States, I've never come across a negative comment about the Iranian people.
The only problem we've ever had with Iran has been with its oppressive and dangerous government. Nobody wants to go to war with Iran, and we will continue to do whatever it takes to avoid such a terrible event. We would never choose to go to war with people we have historically considered our brethren.
Hopefully that clears things up.
Saddam Claims He Was Beaten in Prison
Yet he won't say who did it?
"Damn, I shouldn't have rented deliverance last night."
First off, I don't think anyone gives rat's ass.
Second, my sources say that the suspected abuser is this guy, which makes the story all the more interesting.
"Satan, wanna play 'overthrow the dictator' again?"
The 18th Annual Awards for the Year's Worst Reporting
Media Research Center just came out with their "18th Annual Awards for the Year's Worst Reporting." It's funny, it's depressing, it's eye-opening. I can't believe what people who call themselves journalists get away with saying. Yes it's a free country, but personal opinion and journalism are not one in the same. That's what the editorial page is for.
My favorite quotes referenced are:
"It's like he [President Bush] stuck a broomstick in his [FDR's] wheelchair wheels."
- Newsweek's Jon Meacham on MSNBC's Imus in the Morning May 9, discussing Bush's criticism of Roosevelt's Yalta deal with Stalin on post-war Europe.
"Do I need to be concerned that I'm going to go live with a church family, are they going to proselytize me, are they going to say, 'You better come to church with me or else, I'm, you know, you're not going to get your breakfast this morning'?"
- Co-host Harry Smith asking author/pastor Rick Warren about church families taking in those displaced by Hurricane Katrina, on CBS's Early Show, September 6.
Host Chris Matthews: "Are you considering running for Congress, Cindy?"
Sheehan: "No, not this time...."
Matthews: "Okay. Well, I have to tell you, you sound more informed than most U.S. Congresspeople, so maybe you should run."
- Exchange on MSNBC's Hardball, August 15.
"It's been 11 days since two African-American teenagers were killed, electrocuted during a police chase, which prompted all of this."
- Anchor Carol Lin after a Nov. 6 CNN Sunday Night story about riots in France. The two teenagers were not Americans, but French citizens of Tunisian heritage.
And my #1 personal favorite...
Ted Turner: "I am absolutely convinced that the North Koreans are absolutely sincere. There's really no reason for them to cheat [on nukes]....I looked them right in the eyes. And they looked like they meant the truth. You know, just because somebody's done something wrong in the past doesn't mean they can't do right in the future or the present. That happens all the, all the time."
Wolf Blitzer: "But this is one of the most despotic regimes and Kim Jong-Il is one of the worst men on Earth. Isn't that a fair assessment?"
Turner: "Well, I didn't get to meet him, but he didn't look - in the pictures that I've seen of him on CNN, he didn't look too much different than most other people."
Blitzer: "But, look at the way, look at the way he's, look at the way he's treating his own people."
Turner: "Well, hey, listen. I saw a lot of people over there. They were thin and they were riding bicycles instead of driving in cars, but-"
Blitzer: "A lot of those people are starving."
Turner: "I didn't see any, I didn't see any brutality...."
- Exchange on CNN's The Situation Room, Sept. 19.
We've All Been There...
Came across this on Mudville Gazette and couldn't pass it up.
We've all been a 'wingman' before. Going to a bar or club with friends you always bring a wingman for backup in case you meet someone you like. It's always best to have a wingman to run interference with her 'not so hot' friend. You know... someone who's there to take one for the team.
Welcome to every wingman's worst nightmare.
'Lord have mercy on your poor soul'
Reason # 3,762 to Hurry Up and Finish In Iraq
Report: Syria agrees to hide Iran nukes
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
LONDON: Syria has signed a pledge to store Iranian nuclear weapons and missiles.
The London-based Jane's Defence Weekly reported that Iran and Syria signed a strategic accord meant to protect either country from international pressure regarding their weapons programs. The magazine, citing diplomatic sources, said Syria agreed to store Iranian materials and weapons should Teheran come under United Nations sanctions.
See Update at the bottom
Give it two years and this will be the scenario the world faces. Iran will have successfully developed nuclear weapons despite Europe's 'best attempts' to use diplomacy. The United Nations will have done nothing. Israel will have it's hands tied and be unable to launch a successful preemptive strike like it did on Iraq's nuclear weapons plant in the past. Syria and Iran will work hand in hand in deploying/hiding these nuclear weapons. The stage is set.
Who will stop the number one sponsor of terrorism from using nuclear weapons? Who will spill the blood of their soldiers in order to correct this 'failure of diplomacy?' The United States of America.
If only the United Nations acted as it did back in the 1950s and worked as it was intended to work back when it was formed, this scenario would never take place.
Of course that was just a pipe dream. Instead of dreaming of what should have been, let's prepare for what will be. Finish the mission in Iraq and do it right. The clock is ticking and we've got another job to take care of.
UPDATE: Please know that our beef is not with the Iranian people. It's with the oppressive Iranian government. (Link to Why We Love Iran)
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
How Times Have Changed
Remember this gig? I came across this message last night. Whatever happened to these folks? Oh, that's right, they were human shields. I hope they were successful in their endeavors. I'd hate for them to have had to travel so far and not get what they wanted.
How to volunteer. It's never too late.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Great Gift Ideas
Courtesy of Mr. B. I had to pass them along... especially the 'God Warrior' for the Unrepentent Heathen. If you've seen the infamous 'Trading Spouses' video you'll get it.
I'm sure there's a category listed for you.
CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEAS
For the smoker.
For the unrepentant heathen.
For the recent ex-smoker (something to do with their hands)
For the National Endowment for the Arts hater
For the lady bar hopper
For when it's too cold for water pistols
For the Monty Python fan
For the trickster
For the computer nerd
For the wannabe sumo wrestler
For the clumsy meat lover
What's With This?
Dr. Anthrax is being released? I'd like to know why we're letting these folks go. Might as well send them off to Iran. They know too much about too many bad things.
Saddam-era figures freed in Iraq
Those freed may include Huda Ammash, dubbed Dr Anthrax. A number of former officials in Saddam Hussein's government have been released from detention by US forces in Iraq.
"SWF in search of wealthy man who likes camping, fishing, and making chemical weapons on moonlit nights. Must have good paying job, lab space, and connections to Iran."
This falls into the 'Duh!' category. Could have saved them thousands of dollars in research funding had they just asked the average blogger for the answer.
Media Bias Is Real, Finds UCLA Political Scientist
Then again those UCLA guys have always been a little slow.
Thursday, December 15, 2005
This is what the United States Democratic Party considers a failure.
This is what the rest of the world considers as freedom.
Never forget who stood and fought.
Never forget who wanted to cut and run, leaving these people behind.
Never forget those who gave everything so that Iraq could be free.
Never stop being proud of what we've accomplished.
Never let anyone take that pride away.
To my Brothers and Sisters in arms, and to the Iraqi people...
We did it!
To those who still believe we should never have gone into Iraq...
I'll let Iraqi voter Betty Dawisha tell you where to go.
Pushing Europe Too Far
Iran begins building a Nuclear reactor
Europe does nothing
Iran begins rejecting United Nations inspections and threats of sanctions
Europe does nothing
Iran 'elects' hardline president who calls for Israel's destruction as part of its foreign policy
Europe does nothing
Iran announces Uranium Enrichment Program
Europe does nothing
Iran claims the Holocaust is a myth
Europe condems the remarks, demands a retraction
Iran repeats claim that the holocaust was a myth Europe made up to creat Israel
Europe strongly condems the remarks, demands a retraction once again
Now we know how to get on Europe's bad side. Build nukes under their nose and they can't even develop a strong arguement to stop you, yet you diss the holocaust and they're ready to draw a line in the sand. Sadly, that line would hold up as well as the Maginot Line.
So keep spouting off Iran. You may just end up with a strongly worded letter from the European Union or the UN on you door step that will read, "Please stop saying bad things about the holocaust or else we'll write an even angrier letter."
Of course once the sh#t hits the fan, we know who will be called to clean up the mess.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Leaving On a Jet Plane
Off to the West Coast to help shovel some Air Force Doodie today. I hope nobody's got a case of the Monday's.
I'll be waiting for vast amounts of hate mail after that one.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Holy Flaming Guano Batman!
Have you ever wanted to know what 60 Billion gallons of fuel would look like if it exploded?
So have I.
You bring the sticks, I'll grab some marshmellows.
Fire Rages At Fuel Depot
Updated: 19:35, Sunday December 11, 2005
A series of large explosions at a fuel depot which injured 43 people has been described as the "largest incident of its kind in peacetime Europe". The three blasts near Hemel Hempstead were so powerful they rocked houses up to 40 miles away and was heard in Holland.
Movie Review - Syriana
Walking into the theater I had very little knowledge about what Syriana was about other than hearing rumors that it was a George Clooney flick about evil corporations. I heard wrong.
The official description says the movie is "a political thriller that unfolds against the intrigue of the global oil industry. From the players brokering back-room deals in Washington to the men toiling in the oil fields of the Persian Gulf, the film's multiple storylines weave together to illuminate the human consequences of the fierce pursuit of wealth and power."
My description is that it's a fascinating, and somewhat worrisome story about people, nations, kings and corporations watching their own backs and doing everything they can to maintain status quo. Status quo being of course cheap gas prices, increased drilling capacity, and wealthy white and Arab folks who do not want to relinquish their own power or personal finances.
The writer/director Stephan Gaghan nails several concepts while weaving several stories together in the movie. First, life the Persian Gulf. The poor immigrant oil workers who toil for pennies and live in double-wides all the while surrounded by a blossoming skyline of skyscrapers and hotels. Sadly, the oil workers have it good compared to most of the people living in poverty and witnessing their nation grow exponentially while leaving them behind. Of all the stories told in this movie, the struggling young non-Arab oil worker who is laid off is the most realistic. A young poor man who struggles in life finds acceptance and love in a radical form of Islam. Throughout the movie you get to see his transition from a young uneducated oil worker to a religious martyr who gives his life to help the clerics/terrorists who gave him everything. Doesn't get much more realistic than that.
Throughout the film, life in the Persian Gulf is portrayed fairly balanced, although the film itself was unbalanced. With so much focus on the manipulative U.S. Government's madness, contrasted with the serene and peaceful teachings and lifestyle of the radical terrorist murderers, and it seems like the director clearly wanted to show which side was good and which was bad.
I walked away with mixed feelings. I really enjoyed the images and storylines of the middle east, yet I detested the 'X-Files' type of evil plot by just a few people within the government and some oil corporations. I was waiting for the Smoking Man to come out any minute and light one up. What's sad is that there are people who will see this and believe every ounce of it... evil plot and all, instead of looking at it from a logical standpoint. They're the same people who cling to every far-fetched story they hear about Bush being Hitler and that our fleet of black oil tankers is sucking Iraq's oil dry.
On my 'Movies are like Drinks' rating system I give Syriana 2 shots of Scottish whiskey. You'll enjoy the beauty, but it'll hurt going down.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Thank You Richard Pryor
Thank you for carrying the torch for Red Fox.
Thank you for inspiring so many great comedians to follow in your foot steps.
Thank you for making us laugh so hard for so long.
Friday, December 09, 2005
What Does Strategic Redeployment Mean?
Our friends on the left continue to tell us that we need to Strategically Redeploy our troops out of Iraq immediately. What does this mean? Let's ask our very good friend, Mr. Robinson.
(Me) Mr. Robinson, what does Strategic Redeployment mean?
(Mr. R) Well, in my neighborhood we don't say Strategic Redeployment boys and girls, we say Cut and Run.
Can you say Cut and Run?
I knew you could.
"Cut and Run... That's what Mr. Robinson's ex-wife did to him."
Deep Fried in the South, my Southern 'Brotha from anotha Mutha' took up my Photoshop Challenge and hit the nail on the head. It's absolutely perfect. Please pass this around! I want to see it posted everywhere to get the message out because it's so important in today's politically charged world. A lot of folks don't realize that what they say costs lives. Please don't forget to credit him for his work.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Who can come up with the best renditions of these WWII posters, referencing today's careless talk coming from those who oppose the war? After all, their spouting off are only inspiring the enemy and prolonging the war, costing more lives.
Put Down The Refried Beans!
Ready for an Ass Kicking, Mother Nature Style
In the famous words of that guy who served in Vietnam....... Bring.It.On. Oh wait, I forgot I need to go buy a snow shovel. Okay, don't bring it on yet.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Senator McCain: Hurting the troops to save the terrorists?
In a perfect world the defense budget is approved by 1 October, the beginning of the Government's fiscal year. In the real world, Congress is always late and the military can't lift a finger on any new program or initiative until they settle their political squabbles. It is now mid-December, and we have yet to get a budget passed.
Of course there's always a hold up, whether political or not, that keeps things tied up. This time around it's Senator John McCain's insistence in adding an amendment to the defense budget that states the U.S. can't torture people or be inhumane, no matter the circumstances or situation, ever. This is obviously not a defense budget issue, yet McCain chose this high profile bill to help further his self-perceived noble cause.
From a worker bee's standpoint, I do what I'm told and I play the hand I'm dealt, period. Yet from an outsider's perspective, John McCain is single-handedly setting back countless efforts by the military to develop and field better weapons, purchase improved protective gear that could save lives, buy new equipment that is necessary to keep our nuclear missiles in working order, etc etc. The list is endless.
Excuse my being blunt, but Senator McCain, who is so concerned about protecting those who want to destroy our society and kill every one of us, is screwing the military over in a big way. Thanks to his self-promoting amendment, some Air Force planes will be grounded, some Navy Ships will remain in dry docks, and some high-tech Marine or Army protective gear will remain on the drawing board.
My job as an Air Force Captain is to help develop and acquire items that are needed to help win the Global War on Terrorism. Instead of doing my job, I've spent the last two months sitting on my ass and twiddling my thumbs because John McCain wants to ban the Government from spanking or using wooden paddles against the bad guys, something schools still do to unruly children in a few states.
That doesn't mean I can't do my part in outing self-promoting, self-absorbed, egotistical, power hungry, and asinine bureaucrats and the damage their causing to our nations military.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
This Just In...
Hey, Dave at Garfield Ridge is giving away free backrubs to anyone who votes for his blog in the 2005 Weblog Awards.
I certainly don't need the massage, but I'm still voting for him. As for me... I'm nominated, but I don't do backrubs. I just buy rounds.
Howard Dean thinks we're going to lose in Iraq
American to Howard Dean:
Sit and Spin baby... Sit.And.Spin.
Do we really care?
Scientists: Titanic May Have Sank Faster
Why was precious Associated Press bandwidth wasted on a crappy, useless, and utterly meaningless story like this? Don't they have better things to report on, such as progress in Iraq and Michael Bolton's musical comeback?
Monday, December 05, 2005
Tagged upside the head
AlliCadem tagged me, which reminded me about how I've been slacking on this blog the last few days. Since I've been playing Mr. Mom over the last week things have been busy, but good.
Here are the NCO's direct orders:
Write 5 random facts about yourself, and then list the names of 5 people whom you in turn infect. Also, leave a post to these people letting them know they have been infected
1. I don't eat syrup because I can't stand sticky hands. I'll work on a car or build something and get my hands totally dirty with no problem, but sticky hands drive me insane. I remember making the conscious decision not to eat syrup for that reason when I was 3 years old. Pretty sad when I can remember something that ancient yet I can never find my keys or wallet.
2. I used to be obsessive-compulsive. I had to flip light switches multiple times, make sure my feet stepped on equal numbers of cracks on the sidewalk, turn things in both directions evenly numerous times, and make sure everything was symmetrical. Thankfully I broke the habits... at least most of them. It made me a great drill leader in ROTC, but drove me insane.
3. I mastered water survival training thanks to a 70 year old Filipino woman. When I was a lowly little 2nd Lt I was an average swimmer, but never great for distance or speed. Two months before I went through water survival training down in Pensacola Florida I started training at the base pool during lunch. The lifeguard, this insanely cool 70 year old Filipino woman who looked 30, could tell that I sucked at lap swimming and endurance. She took me under her wing like Mr. Miyagi and kicked my ass every day until I mastered everything, including survival skills.
4. I have a recurring dream that gravity stops, everything turns monochrome yellow and brown, a deafening noise fills the air, and I float upward. I knew I shouldn't have touched that Absinthe back in Bratislava.
5. I've been lucky enough to have hitched rides in the Air Force T-6, T-37, T-38, F-16 (maxed out at 9gs), and ridden in jump seats of nearly every transport plane we have with little or no sickness issues, yet I easily get car sick if I sit in the passenger seat or back seat of a car. My 6 year old daughter can handle car rides better than I can. Yet I'm fine in the driver seat. Makes no sense.
Kind of boring, I know. There just aren't that many weird things about me. The wife would disagree of course. I'm just glad I didn't mention that Oompa Loompa thing.
I know I'm supposed to send this to 5 people, but it's nearly 1am and I can't get my mind to work. That, and AlliCadem took a few of mine already.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Patented 'El Capitan' Cure For The Common Cold
Dave at Garfield Ridge is still sicker than a dog, so I shared with him my secret family elixir.
The patented 'El Capitan' cure for the common cold, or any ailment.
Pretty easy to follow:
Step 1 - Down a large shot of Cuervo 1800.
Step 2 - Repeat Step 1 until you feel better and/or numb.
Step 3 - If Steps 1 & 2 don't work, double the dosage. Just make sure you've got a place to crash for the night.
Watch out for the obvious side effects. Your driving will be impaired, as will your ability to tell the difference between your Super Model neighbor and your neighbor who collects her teeth in a jar and keeps them on the front porch of her trailer next to her hunting dog.
Just stay indoors to avoid any mishaps.
"Say hello to my little friend."
Day Off #2
Today should be a slow day of blogging. Lots of errands to run with the kiddlings, and I'm also trying to do this with my outside Christmas decorations. Although instead of the rock/classical music they used, I'm thinking of some Primus or Rage Against The Machine. Nope, I don't like my neighbors too much.
Wish me luck.